Why is it wise to follow the no contact rule after breakup with your ex?  The answer is not a simple one but most of the time this rule is a good one whether you are wanting to get your ex back with you or not. 

Why can the no contact rule help you get your ex back?  

Regardless of the reason for your breakup, you should not appear desperate to reconcile with your ex.  So if you are thinking about getting those thumbs busy texting your ex continually to see if he or she would meet you, don’t do it!  Even if you believe you are at fault for the breakup, or even if you did the dumping, don’t call your ex and start apologizing or making any kind of promises.  This can in truth be interpreted as your being controlling, or desperate, or maybe even emotionally unsound. This behavior might very well help convince your ex that the breakup should be permanent . 

Another thing to consider is that maybe there is a truly valid reason why you broke up, and maybe it could be reconciled by working on some of your own issues for awhile.  Believe it or not, if you start doing some things that will improve your own happiness or self worth then this could very well get noticed by your ex and your attempts to improve yourself will probably be quite attractive to your ex.

Yes, no one likes this rule because in the early stage of a breakup you will be in an emotional state and you will be spending most of your time trying to figure out how to mend the relationship.  That is precisely why you must follow the no contact rule after breakup, and especially for the first few days or weeks until you are able to think with some clarity.

Why is the no contact rule after breakup a good one when you don’t want your ex back?  

So maybe you don’t want your ex back after the breakup?  Maybe you are thinking about some sort of revenge or retaliation? If it has only been a few days or couple weeks since your breakup then this might appeal to you and you might even think that this is a fair retaliation after all your ex put you through. But remember, your emotions could be influencing you right now and you don’t even realize it.  You need to take some time and gather your thoughts. 

There is another really great reason for abiding by the no contact rule after breakup when you think that you don’t want your ex back.  What if you change your mind later?  After the shock wears off and you can think again, you want to get back with your ex or at least give it a try.  But let’s say you have previously taken revenge or said some things that you now feel bad about?  It would be very wise to do nothing against your ex and concentrate on figuring your own life out for awhile and see how it goes.

So don’t call or text for now and start thinking about what makes you happy independent from your ex.  Get out and enjoy life with friends so you can avoid getting lonely or depressed. Find some goals that can improve yourself like going back to school, joining a gym, or anything that keeps you motivated.  If you want your ex back, this is the best approach for now even though this does not seem to make sense.  Your ex will see that you are getting stronger and happier and if there is still something between you, then these characteristics will be very attractive . 

You may or may not get back together with your ex.  But you have the chance to be happy either way if you work on yourself and then just see what happens from there.  This is much better than having your happiness be totally dependent upon the success or failure of a relationship.

Why Grief After Breakup Is More Than A Broken Heart

Breaking up after being in a very close relationship can leave you with fears, guilt, a sense of loneliness and other emotions that can lead to a number of potentially crippling emotions including grief.  A sad heart and damaged ego is one thing, and hopefully that is all you are experiencing.  It can be much more than a broken heart in many cases however.  Grief after breakup can take everything out of you if your relationship had been long lasting and this can paralyze you unless you do not face it head on.

The Stages of Grieving After Breakup

Grief after breakup might be going unnoticed by the people who care about you depending on how you are dealing with it.  Grief can really hit you hard though and the best thing you can do is decide that you cannot avoid it, it happens after most relationship breakups, and you will get past it in time.

You do want to recognize the basic stages of grief that are fairly normal to us all when you go through a breakup.

1. Denial.  This just can’t be true and you just know that you and your ex didn’t really break up for good.  You have too much invested for this to happen!  You are really sure that the two of you will cool off and that in a day or two you will make up and put this behind you. ï»¿
2. Anger.  The shock is wearing off but not the emotions.  You are furious with your ex, and angry with yourself.  You feel the urge to blame someone for this mess that you are in.  You might be thinking in terms of revenge on your ex if you believe the failed relationship is not your fault.  Or you might be angry and dissapointed in yourself.
3. Lack of motivation, feeling sorry for yourself, and possibly the start of depression.  You become preoccupied with reviewing and re-analyzing what has happened to cause the break up. You wonder what you could have done differently to prevent the breakup.
4. Fix it at all costs.  Can you say or do something that will get you back to where you and your ex had been happy and committed?
5. Accepting reality and now able to think more clearly.  You might now be able to reconcile your issues and try again, or you may well determine that you are better off without each other.

Do Not Try To Avoid Grief After Your Breakup

The 5 stages of grief after breakup are not much fun at all, but they are important for a good recovery.  Avoiding any of the stages purposely will create new problems for you such as buried guilt or regrets.  It is most important to face your issues head on and in the process go through all of the stages of grief.  Just be sure to not dwell too long in any of the stages so as to avoid getting into a deep depression or losing all touch with reality.  You can also hurt other friendships, work relationships, and family relationships if you let the grieving process really take over your life.

Knowing where you currently are in the stages of grief after breakup and understanding what the stages are can be very helpful.  You can really learn a lot about yourself once you come out of these stages.  You can be stronger and more hopeful as a result, believe it or not. Read more about how to deal with your breakup and come up with a strategy for how to get through all the steps and come out better on the other end.  Should you try to get your ex back later?  Do you move on without your ex?  How soon do you need to figure this out?  How do I proceed without making things even worse?  There are great resources on this topic and talking with someone you trust and respect is critical especially if you seem to be getting stuck in one of the stages of grief.

Nobody  ever said relationships wereeasy . And if they had , they were  not aware of what they were saying  . A  fast and observant look  at the shelves of any bookstore or library will  tell a simple truth to   you that people are  searching   for help in the relationship department .  Finding valuable  help in the form of a guide or book is a good idea , and a crucial  step for  a lot of couples  .  Although , evaluating your relationship with your partner  before having one  is  an outstanding  idea,too .

Why take the time to do this when a bookhas all the  questions answered  ? Well,  many well written   books  does not specifically  include a section on evaluation, and how be shown  which steps to follow  or how to follow them if you  do not even dream to  know  where your relationship is at the  presnt time  ? The answer  is, you can’t .

Because  we as humanbeings are social creatures , it’s only natural that we  strive to be patient and love the one’s  we are close to, and to  stand up and be by their side   with them  by every means   possible. Creating a sense of where you stand as a couple  fits right in with our most basic desires.

 When it boils down  to  evaluating your relationship with your partner   you can do it  a couple of unique ways  . The first way is to  accomplish   it  by yourself with no help , without any input  from your significant other . The other option  is to do it together  as a couple.  The two that is revealed  have their own pros and cons .Neither one is any greater than the other, because  the main and essentual trick  is the ultimate goal of knowing what’sgoing on .

Whichever method you choose , it  does not necessarily  have to be complicated. Simple yes or no questions are  alright , but they do not  really  tell you   everything anyway  . The secret is to  request reliable and   good, open-ended questions that will lead  to more in-depth answers.

Here are a few  examples.

What do you want from the relationship?

What do you offer in the relationship?

What are your expectations of your partner?

What can you do to enhance the relationship?

Where do you see the relationship going?

You’ll notice that you can ask the above questions, and questions like them, whether doing the evaluation on your own, or with your partner.

The questions and answers are only the first part of the process. They are designed to get you thinking and talking .  Although , it is absolutely  very important indeed    that you play fair and honestly give a straight answer  . This is easier said then done , especially when you have a certain outcome in mind.  Simply speaking  , your answers when evaluating your relationship with your partner will be much different if you are assuming a break up is imminent than if you assume you’ll be staying together.

 It is crucial indeed that you force yourself  to keep an open mind while managing to indulge in this process. By doing so , you will get to the  true meaning  of the matter and make a better decision based on what youdiscover . The answer at which you arrive may not be  what you do not want to be exposed   , and it’s also not the final word. But it will help you to see things as there true identity  , and what steps you can take to have the best  outcome possible .

Just this morning I was deliberating upon how hectic our time here is. Because we are so preoccupied with our busy life schedule, I determined that often times we don’t take time to have fun on our journey . I once read there is no joyous ending to a wretched journey .

Quit rushing so fast and listen to the birds singing . Don’t be so eager to get where you are going but instead enjoy the ride .

 If you are involved in a relationship, this is particularly true. The weekly grind of supporting a family , raising kids and a whole host of other things can take our attention away from giving our affection to our loved one .

  There are times when I just want to bury my head in the sand and forget about it all . So is this the right answer ?

 Part of the answer lies with how do you want your love one or special partner to feel about you and to treat you?

 Do you want him or her to be happy with you? For most people the answer is pretty obvious. Almost every sane human would like to be wanted .

  As amazing as this seems It will come as no surprise , it doesn’t happen all by itself . It takes some focussed effort . If you make an effort to treat them well they may just realize how much they adore you.

 It seems that relationships are a two way street . Or to put it differently , you can’t have “one way” relationship and expect both parties to be happy with the relationship . You have to give it some effort if you expect them to give some effort back . Someone has to start , so why not make it you ?

Just like all things in this world . You reap what you sow. 

  If you want to make your boyfriend happy , try a little harder to show him that you love him . Stop sweating the small things Slip into some sexy lingerie unexpectedly on a romantic evening . Show him how much he means to you.

And if you have a wife that you want more attention from , you probably need to try harder yourself . Help her do the laundry . Take her out to dinner . Treat her to some lingerie for no reason at all . Take her out to to a play . Tell her how much you care about her .

Don’t forget to take a little time out of your hectic life to let the special one in your life know that you care about them and that they mean the world to you . What you recieve in return is certain to be far greater than the small amount of work that you had to do .

Knowing ahead of time what situations may become problematic as you bring new family members together can help you prepare. With an extra dose of patience and grace, should a complication arise you will be able to handle them.

Factors That May Affect Your Relationship

Children who are mourning the loss of a deceased parent or divorce of their birth parents may need time to heal before they can fully accept you as a new parent. For those whose birth parents are still alive, remarriage may mean the end of hope that their parents will reunite. Even if it has been several years since the separation, kids even adult ones often hang onto that hope for a long time. However this reality can make them feel angry, hurt, and confused, from a child’s perspective.

Other factors that may affect the transition into step parenting:

• What are the ages of the children. Younger kids generally have an easier time than older kids, when it comes to adjusting and forming new relationships.
• How long you’ve known them. Usually, the longer you know the kids, the better the relationship. There are exceptions (for example, if you were friends with the parents before they separated and are blamed for the break-up), but in most cases having a history together makes the transition a little smoother. 
• How long you dated the parent before marriage. Again, there are exceptions but typically if you don’t rush into the relationship with the adult, kids have a good sense that you are in this for the long haul.
• How well the parent you marry gets along with the ex-spouse. This is a major factor. Minimal conflict and open communication between ex-partners can make a big difference on how easily kids accept you as their stepparent. When adults keep negative comments out of earshot, it’s much easier for kids to transition to new living arrangements.
• How much time the kids spend with you. Try bonding with the kids every second weekend – Remember to put their needs first: If kids want time with their birth parent, they should get it. Smooth the path to a better relationship, sometimes making yourself scarce can help in the long run.

Tips for Step Parents

All parents face difficulties now and then. But when you’re a stepparent, this can open up power struggles within the family whether it’s from the kids, your partner’s ex-spouse, or even your partner – those obstacles are compounded by the fact that you are not the birth parent. Putting the kids’ needs first can help you make good decisions, when times get tough.

Following are a few pointers on how:

• Affection and consistent rules above all else, kids need love. Giving them toys or treats, can lead to a situation where you feel like you’re trading gifts for love especially if they’re not earned with good grades or behavior. Similarly, if you feel guilty for treating your biological kids differently from your stepchildren, don’t buy gifts to make up for it. Do your best to treat them more equally. 
• House rules matter. Keep your house rules as consistent as possible for all kids, whether they’re your kids from a previous relationship, your partner’s kids from a previous relationship, or new children you have had together. There will be different rules for young children from teens, but they should remain applied at all times. This helps kids adjust to transitions, like moving to a new house or welcoming a new baby, and helps them feel that all kids in your home are treated equally. If kids are dealing with two very different sets of rules in each home, it may be time for an adults-only family meeting – otherwise kids can learn to “work the system” for short-term gain but long-term problems. 
• Create new family traditions. Try new activites with your blended family, try something that everyone is willing to try. Some new family traditions can include trivia nights, bush walking together, cooking, building a famil garden or even creating a family song. Kids are smart and will quickly figure out if you’re trying to force a relationship – The key is to have fun together, not to try to win their love. 
• Respect all parents. When a partner’s ex is deceased, it’s important to be sensitive to and honor that person. If you and your partner share custody with the birth parent, try to be courteous and compassionate in your interactions with each other (regardless of how difficult that sometime can be!). Never say negative things about the birth parent in front of the kids. Doing so often backfires and kids get angry with the parent making the remarks. No child likes to hear their parents criticized, even if he or she is complaining about them to you.
• Don’t use kids as messengers or go-betweens. Try not to question kids about what’s happening – they’ll resent it when they feel that they’re being asked to “spy” on another parent in the other household. Communicate directly with the other parent about relevant matters, such as scheduling, visitation, health issues, or school problems, wherever possible. Online custody calendars make this process a little easier because parents can note visitation days and share this information with each other via the Internet. 
• Communitcate with your spouse or partner. Communication between you and your partner is important so that you can make parenting decisions together. If you each have different notions on parenting and discipline this is especially crucial. Talk to your partner about what would be the best way to get to know the kids if you’re new to stepparenting. Use resources to find out what kids of different ages are interested in – and don’t forget to ask them. 

Similar to a loving family member or mentor, the initial role of a stepparent is that of another caring adult in a child’s life. You may desire a closer bond right away, and might wonder what you’re doing wrong if your new stepchild doesn’t warm up to you or your kids as quickly as you’d like – but relationships need time to grow.

Start out slow and try not to rush into things. Let things develop naturally – kids can tell when adults are being fake or insincere. You can develop a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your stepchildren over time. Which doesn’t necessarily have to resemble the one they share with their birth parents. No matter what the circumstances of your new family, chances are there’ll be some bumps along the way. But don’t give up trying to make things work – they still can (and probably will) improve as you and your new family members get to know each other better even if things started off a little rocky.

For more step parenting and parenting advice be sure to visit ParentingQnA.com

Get My Ex Back – Three Best Techniques

In this day and age breaking up is all too easy. Fewer couples try to sort out and talk through their problems and differences. If you have found yourself in this situation then it is likely then you will want to know how can I get my ex back?

Actually it is surprisingly easy to get your partner back if you understand the correct techniques as well as analyze the reason why they left in the first place. There could be a particular habit or behaviour of yours that forced them to leave. For the methods to win your ex back to be successful you must first remedy any personal problems that you have.

Millions of people around the world have discovered that the following methods can be implemented to improve the chances of once again having a happy relationship:

1. Be Strong: Why do you think your ex got with you in the beginning, it was not because you were emotionally weak. If they have left and you cry and beg them to stay then they will not be impressed. You should appear strong and confident before you will be able to have them back by your side. If you see them on the street or in a bar or restaurant then you should be friendly and polite, don’t start a scene in public.

2. Appearance: It can happen then if your partner leaves you will spend less time and effort taking care of the way you look. This is not a good idea. You should spend more money on your appearance and dress as then when you next see your ex partner they will be pleased that you are looking after yourself.

3. Socialize: By locking yourself up in your room you will only worsen the situation. You should go out and mingle with friends as this will lighten your mood, also you will have more chance of bumping in to your ex.

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